The Kiddos - February 1, 2008

My normally quiet Friday was not so silent. I awoke much-too-early to attend an appointment with my dentist at 8:00 AM. I showed up on-time and sat in the waiting room.


I watched the news for about 10 minutes, when another dentist walked out, gave me a funny look and summoned me to t he receptionist's desk. After asking me why I was there - which is a normally odd question to ask a patient in a waiting room - he told me that the person who scheduled me for the appointment must have made a mistake because (a) my dentist is never in on Fridays, and (b) my dentist is on vacation for five weeks. After telling him that I think I may be going into the wrong profession, I left his office. I was pretty upset that I was up so early.

I made my way to school, and sat in the student lounge until my class began. Class was enjoyable, as is usual, but after the fun was to begin.

I know I swore that I would never do the mock trial program with the fifth-graders again, but I am a sap for children. I arrived in pouring rain, with cold feet (I stepped in "Lake G-d Hates Me" in the parking lot wearing my sandals). The school was the very first all-indoors school I had ever been in. It was a "Saved By The Bell" experience.

Anyhow, I entered the classroom and was greeted with very excited and very respectful fifth graders. This was a complete contrast from the last class of kids I was assigned.

I ran my usual session with them. The kids call me Mr. H, and I have them all make name placards that say Mr. or Ms. _____. I refer to them as Mr. or Ms. or counselor (if I cannot read their handwriting) because I tell them that we are going to operate how the courts operate. When they started to get unruly, I reminded them that in court they have to do whatever the Judge says, and that they cannot speak unless they are given permission to do so.

I taught them the basics of the civil court system, from the ground up. At one point, I asked the class what we call the two parties who go to court. I did not think they would know, but I like to keep things interactive.

One girl raised her hand. I begrudgingly called on her, as it is never fun to tell somebody that they are wrong. She answered: "Plaintiff and Defendant?"

My face must have been classic. The complete feel of "stun" ran through my body. I asked her if she had any lawyers in her family. She told me that she did not. So, I followed up with, "That was absolutely correct. How in the world did you know that?"

"Judge Judy," she said.

I turned to the teacher and quipped, "That may be the first good thing Judge Judy ever did on TV."

After we got through how a trial progresses, I taught them how to ask direct and cross examination questions. Because they are getting to know me, I have each student ask me questions about me. We start with direct examination (open-ended questions) and after everybody asks me one question correctly, I have each student ask me a cross-examination question (closed-ended questions).

These are always classic, and because of the nature of the questions, I always tell them that they can ask me anything that they would ask their teacher. It keeps things safe.

These kids were very smart. Usually, I can tell a lot from the kinds of questions the kids ask. The basic questions are always asked: "What is your first name? How old are you? What is your favorite sport. What kind of law do you study?"

I got all those questions, but I want to share my favorites.

When asked who my favorite NBA star is, I answered Kobe Bryant, and the kids nearly mobbed me. They half-booed me and the hum of chatter rose quickly.

One of the girls ask me "Are you married?" The teacher nearly lunged in an effort to make the student stop asking the question. I answered "No." The girls giggled, and on to the next question I went.

The first time around, one of the boys asked me "Who are you going to vote for on Tuesday?" Again, the teacher went to stop the answer, but I proceeded anyhow. "How I am going to vote is for me to know, and for me alone." And then, the teacher smiled appreciatively.

But, the kids are smarter than that. The second time around - for cross-examination questions - the same boy asked me "Do you like Obama?" I hesitated, and answered, "Yes, I LIKE him..." and left it at that. Sly little people!

Tomorrow will be interesting. I have a meeting with Client 1 and Client 2 back-to-back, a research project to complete and I have to prep for hearings for Client 1 on Monday and Client 2 on Tuesday.

Plus, the Super Bowl features a team based where I am living for the first time in forever - and I do not even care.

Life will be fun.