Oh Well - January 16, 2008

Well, well, well. I am not well.

There is a trend in my life. Well, there is more than one, but I refer to the trend of dental ills. For the second time this year - both times in the beginning of each semester - I have been struck with a mandible mishap. Toothaches, TMJ, infections, fillings gone wrong. You know, the good stuff.

As a result of an emergency dentist appointment (with a very jovial Jewish dentist, who had a wise-crack for everything) I missed my very first contracts class this semester which was with a new professor. It is a pleasant way to start out the new semester; you know, having to tell the professor that you are missing the first class (and actually missing the class). I even lost the opportunity to witness my favorite (feel the sarcasm) person get "called-out" for her attempt to give a typical long, non-understandable, convoluted and non-answer answer. She raised her hand, the professor then called on her, she gave her monologue, which prompted him to reply "was that even an answer?" I am depressed that I missed it.

I then attended the world's worst designed legal methods class, which is another story for another time.

After wanting to bang my head repeatedly on the desk for the hour-long session, I had a three-plus hour break in which I was able to contemplate my loathe for previously mentioned legal methods class and prepare myself for property.

As I said before, the professor is a very excited person. Her enthusiasm is amazing. I was trying to figure out her background; it is not hard to see that she was brought-up in an interesting household. I could not place what this special characteristic was until she stopped in the middle of her zooming around the room and ceased enthusiastically discussing the functionalist theory of property.

"I apologize," she said. "I should tell you all that I had a Southern Baptist upbringing."

Ah-ha! That is it. She fits, with careful precision, the stereo-typical, straight-from-the-movies, praise-the-lord Southern Baptist churchgoer. Amen!

Anyhow, we shall back up.

Remember that luck that I have. Solid, dirty luck. I was engaged in class on Monday. I answered questions, I interacted with the professor. I was on-the-ball. However, when a professor using a million-dollar-phrase for the first time, in a question, how is one to answer? Just ask me, I know how to answer the question.

"Mr…," she said as she leaned forward to look at my name card. "H!"

Good lord, why me. Can I get the opposite of Hallelujah? Cue the choir.

"Mr. H, how does the functionalist theory argue this point?"

And then I answered. Keep in mind I had absolutely no clue what she was talking about, nor what she was referring to.

And I proceeded. "The functionalist theory argues…" I said. Insert a 10 second pause as I quickly scanned my notes without success. "I have absolutely no clue."

Stupid honesty. It always gives me trouble.

She replied by questioning how I could not answer the question given it was the topic of the previous day for two hours. Maybe if she called it the functionalist theory for the two hours, I would know. However, she really likes me, which is probably why I was the first person to be called-on in class today.

She also authors some interesting comments and quotes, as I will now share. Keep in mind, the context is a property law class and she is an exuberant person. Mental pictures are necessary; get out your brain-draining paint brush.

"If you own a $60,000 car that is bling-blinged out … there may be a few externalities involved."

"For those of you who asked for leniency on the readings for today, and for those ladies who I overheard in the bathroom talking about how horrible the assignment was… rest assured, it was not easy."

"Who here is confused by the questioned I just asked" Everybody raises their hand. "Ok. I should not have even asked. I, too, was confused."

To Student 1 - "So, argue for the Plaintiff."
To The Class (and herself) - "Wait, who is arguing for the Plaintiff?"
To The Student 2 - "Are you the Defendant? Yes, you were."
Back To Student 1- "So, you give us the view of the Defendant. No. I mean the Plaintiff."
Student 2 Raises Her Hand - "I just argued for [the Plaintiff]"
To Somebody In The Ceiling - "Oh gosh. Let's start over."

"Animus Revertendi - I obviously don't know how to pronounce it, but I can spell it for you."